If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
History Repeating
For the past couple of days, I've been sleeping in my tears. History is repeating. Just for this time, I tear much more than I ever thought I would. Everyday thinking about you, thinking about us, my heart feels like it is tearing apart. Tears fall and slide through my cheeks without me noticing. I don't know why this time I am so weak. I am so much weaker until even when I message you or read your messages, I wisll cry. Cried until my eyes were swollen, yet you don't feel a thing. All you feel is guilty. I tried to sleep early and tried to avoid thinking of everything. However, when I woke up, you came into my mind again. I really feel like running away from this whole thing. I don't want to experience this again. Each time, the hurt I'm getting is worsen.
Yesterday, I really couldn't feel you anymore. Maybe I think too much but in the evening, I was right. I don't know what should I do. I should have expected this coming, I should have known, yet I couldn't control myself. Last time, I thought of giving us a chance as you said it is unfair to you if I don't give you a chance. I really tried to give myself a chance to be happy again. I still remember the early days of us being together, the messages you sent me saying 'I hate you', 'Don't message me', 'I miss you', 'I love you', etc.. I still remember all. I saved them all. I really miss those moments. I know I couldn't turn back time. Do you remember those time? Do you remember when you said you wna be with me forever? Do you remember all the things we did? All the things we said? I do.
I should have known, I am not the one for you. Since the day you didn't tell me things, whenever I ask you what is it, what's happening, you'll just reply me 'nothing'. Those 'nothing's maybe mean nothing to you, but it makes me feel I'm already out of your life. Being the one is whatever you will also share and tell him or her. Those 'nothing's piled up and created a thick wall between you and me. I feel like breaking down the wall or jump or climb over it just to get back to you. But I know things aren't as easy as the way I wish they are. I used to be an optimistic person but now I only think of the worse.
I feel like sleeping the whole day, doing nothing, don't want to think of it. Now, I don't even have the appetite to eat at all and I don't feel hungry. This is so much worse than the past. Can somebody tell me why I always get a relationship which ends like this? At the beginning of the relationships, I didn't want to be serious. All i thought of is trying to give you a happy relationship, give you a happy life. I already told you, at the end, you won't be the one that's gonna get hurt, you will be the one that leaves me in the end. I'll be the one that's gonna get hurt and try to stand up alone again. All of you said that that's not going to happen yet look at me now, isn't this the ending I was telling you all about? Who's right? Who's wrong? I know my life, I know what will happen in the end of my relationships.
Am I just a person that when you are sad, I'll be there for you to make you happy? To make you forget your past? Am I a person that's not worth loving? Am I just a person that after loving you seriously, you tend to feel it's time to leave me? You had enough of me? Am I such a person that you can take when you're sad, and after that throw me aside? I'm just a normal person. How much more of this could I take? I'm torn apart. My life, my soul are disturbed. Without you, I feel right now my life is meaningless. I need you. I will try to stand up again when i know standing is not easy.
It's exam time again. Just like last year. Will I do better? Can I do it? I'm suffering. I hate it..
Yesterday, I really couldn't feel you anymore. Maybe I think too much but in the evening, I was right. I don't know what should I do. I should have expected this coming, I should have known, yet I couldn't control myself. Last time, I thought of giving us a chance as you said it is unfair to you if I don't give you a chance. I really tried to give myself a chance to be happy again. I still remember the early days of us being together, the messages you sent me saying 'I hate you', 'Don't message me', 'I miss you', 'I love you', etc.. I still remember all. I saved them all. I really miss those moments. I know I couldn't turn back time. Do you remember those time? Do you remember when you said you wna be with me forever? Do you remember all the things we did? All the things we said? I do.
I should have known, I am not the one for you. Since the day you didn't tell me things, whenever I ask you what is it, what's happening, you'll just reply me 'nothing'. Those 'nothing's maybe mean nothing to you, but it makes me feel I'm already out of your life. Being the one is whatever you will also share and tell him or her. Those 'nothing's piled up and created a thick wall between you and me. I feel like breaking down the wall or jump or climb over it just to get back to you. But I know things aren't as easy as the way I wish they are. I used to be an optimistic person but now I only think of the worse.
I feel like sleeping the whole day, doing nothing, don't want to think of it. Now, I don't even have the appetite to eat at all and I don't feel hungry. This is so much worse than the past. Can somebody tell me why I always get a relationship which ends like this? At the beginning of the relationships, I didn't want to be serious. All i thought of is trying to give you a happy relationship, give you a happy life. I already told you, at the end, you won't be the one that's gonna get hurt, you will be the one that leaves me in the end. I'll be the one that's gonna get hurt and try to stand up alone again. All of you said that that's not going to happen yet look at me now, isn't this the ending I was telling you all about? Who's right? Who's wrong? I know my life, I know what will happen in the end of my relationships.
Am I just a person that when you are sad, I'll be there for you to make you happy? To make you forget your past? Am I a person that's not worth loving? Am I just a person that after loving you seriously, you tend to feel it's time to leave me? You had enough of me? Am I such a person that you can take when you're sad, and after that throw me aside? I'm just a normal person. How much more of this could I take? I'm torn apart. My life, my soul are disturbed. Without you, I feel right now my life is meaningless. I need you. I will try to stand up again when i know standing is not easy.
It's exam time again. Just like last year. Will I do better? Can I do it? I'm suffering. I hate it..
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Fri, Sat and Sun.
Never thought it's been a month since i blogged. I'm sick right now but I'm getting better than I was yesterday. My lips were not so swollen anymore ( thank goodness ) and I went to college today. My flu is better too. Didnt sneeze much today. Last Sunday kept sneezing throughout the night until Monday I didn't want to go to college. Last Friday had gym class. The main objective of that day's class was to exercise our quardriceps. We had to do lots of different leg exercises e.g. squatting, 90 degrees half squat hold it still for 1 minute and duck crawl. After the gym class, all of us were restless. We can't even walk properly. My legs were strengthless to support my weight and how can they say it's an exercise that strengthen our legs? It's ridiculous! I had this pain until today, Saturday morning, suddenly my legs are fine back. they could walk and squat like normal. It's like magic! :D
Saturday morning went to college for the Team Building. They only asked us to do a couple of activities ( luckily time passes fast ). First activity was to blindfolded ourselves and arrange ourselves according to our numbers and we are not allowed to speak and tell other members bout our numbers. All of us did it well. Then the second activity was help an egg to make a package that when it falls it won't break and we need to make an advertisment for it. It was fun. Then i went back home and took a nap. In the evening, me, Yun,CRY, Jinny and her sis went to the school's concert. The concert was not bad after all. It's just that i feel it has some elements that were the same with our graduation dinner event. I must say, the opening event was great. I like it :D After that I received Watchreen's invitation to join her and her family at the E&O buffet dinner. I'm so sorry that i couldn't join her as I promised to have dinner with my boss and other partner after our work on Sunday. After the concert, planned to fetch Karen back but didn't as we left early before the concert ended. We planned to go bonodori to see the fireworks but we missed it. Then we headed to Coffee Island to have a late night drink and chit-chat. After that we back home. When I was home, it was almost 12.30a.m.. After bathed I went to sleep as the next day I need to get up by 6a.m..
SUnday morning at 6a.m., I woke up, get washed up then i drove off to Maljis Penyayang if I'm not mistaken. Then I started to work from 8.30a.m. till 5p.m.. The customers there are harder to persuade to buy. Luckily our sales still considered okay. After that my boss took me to Mansion 32 to have dinner. It was the first time I went there. The decorations was beautiful as the day gets darker. I ordered Grilled Lamb dinner set. Although the proportions of the food were nt big, they are enough to make you feel full. After that went back home. That was my day.
Yun, me and Jinny
me and Jinny
CPY =)
Me and my bud
Me1
Me 2
Me 3
The Drinks
And a Beer
PS: will upload more photos tmr =)
Saturday morning went to college for the Team Building. They only asked us to do a couple of activities ( luckily time passes fast ). First activity was to blindfolded ourselves and arrange ourselves according to our numbers and we are not allowed to speak and tell other members bout our numbers. All of us did it well. Then the second activity was help an egg to make a package that when it falls it won't break and we need to make an advertisment for it. It was fun. Then i went back home and took a nap. In the evening, me, Yun,CRY, Jinny and her sis went to the school's concert. The concert was not bad after all. It's just that i feel it has some elements that were the same with our graduation dinner event. I must say, the opening event was great. I like it :D After that I received Watchreen's invitation to join her and her family at the E&O buffet dinner. I'm so sorry that i couldn't join her as I promised to have dinner with my boss and other partner after our work on Sunday. After the concert, planned to fetch Karen back but didn't as we left early before the concert ended. We planned to go bonodori to see the fireworks but we missed it. Then we headed to Coffee Island to have a late night drink and chit-chat. After that we back home. When I was home, it was almost 12.30a.m.. After bathed I went to sleep as the next day I need to get up by 6a.m..
SUnday morning at 6a.m., I woke up, get washed up then i drove off to Maljis Penyayang if I'm not mistaken. Then I started to work from 8.30a.m. till 5p.m.. The customers there are harder to persuade to buy. Luckily our sales still considered okay. After that my boss took me to Mansion 32 to have dinner. It was the first time I went there. The decorations was beautiful as the day gets darker. I ordered Grilled Lamb dinner set. Although the proportions of the food were nt big, they are enough to make you feel full. After that went back home. That was my day.
Yun, me and Jinny
me and Jinny
CPY =)
Me and my bud
Me1
Me 2
Me 3
The Drinks
And a BeerWednesday, June 3, 2009
Busy
Finally my college life had started. It had been almost 3 weeks since I went to college but this week is the second week of the semester. I'm kinda lazy to blog what had happen but I will do it still just not now. Maybe during weekend.
Anyway, just a quick one. College life has been good so far. The classes are not packed. It is just driving to and fro college everyday is tiring. Sometimes the time between two classes are too long, eg. on Tuesday, my class starts at 9a.m. till 10.30a.m. while the second class starts at 3p.m. I can't drive back as the distance is far from my house to college. I feel good that I have the same lecture class with a few I know. Classes have been fine just always crazy with Shu Hua. She is one friend that you don't want to mess with. Been 'tortured' by her as I always sit next to her. The details of what had happened I will blog maybe during weekends. Now kinda busy with homework and assignments. And the test is on week 5. =[ So fast.. Alright, that's for it. Time for bed. light's off, aircon on. =]
Anyway, just a quick one. College life has been good so far. The classes are not packed. It is just driving to and fro college everyday is tiring. Sometimes the time between two classes are too long, eg. on Tuesday, my class starts at 9a.m. till 10.30a.m. while the second class starts at 3p.m. I can't drive back as the distance is far from my house to college. I feel good that I have the same lecture class with a few I know. Classes have been fine just always crazy with Shu Hua. She is one friend that you don't want to mess with. Been 'tortured' by her as I always sit next to her. The details of what had happened I will blog maybe during weekends. Now kinda busy with homework and assignments. And the test is on week 5. =[ So fast.. Alright, that's for it. Time for bed. light's off, aircon on. =]
Friday, May 1, 2009
This is life
I wanna sleep.. Very tired lately.. Sleeping at late at night while waking early in the morning. I left 4 days of work. Yes!! Finally I can rest more soon.. However, college gonna start soon yet I have no idea whether I should follow my friend rent a house there and stay or drive back everyday. I'm scare of the place there. My bro said the place is scary at night cause of the college is located in such a quiet area. So it's scary sometimes. Sigh~ No idea how now.
Anyway, finally now I've set my target on a new phone---W902. It will cost me rm1300 for the phone. My whole month salary will be gone just like that. It will be spent on this phone. I have no idea whether it's worth it or not because I have been wanting to buy a phone since Form 3 yet till now only I have the chance as I had worked and earned some money :) This phone has more functions and is better than C902, the phone I wanted to buy last time. This phone is still a new model. Hope it will be a good phone as I don't plan to change phone again anytime sooner. Plan to use this phone for a few years if I can. :D
This week didn't manage to see my babe. Feel so sorry to her and sad for myself. I miss you so much everyday. Hope next week can see you and hangout with you. Accompany you more often before I start my college. Babe, please don't always moody k? I can feel that you are moody though you always said you're fine and nothing. I don't want to argue or fight with you. I just want to be happy with you and love you. I love you, my babe. -kiss kiss-
Okay, now it's time for me to go into my dreamland. It's 2.30 in the morning already and I have to work later in the morning.
Auf wiedersehen. Gut nacht ;)
Anyway, finally now I've set my target on a new phone---W902. It will cost me rm1300 for the phone. My whole month salary will be gone just like that. It will be spent on this phone. I have no idea whether it's worth it or not because I have been wanting to buy a phone since Form 3 yet till now only I have the chance as I had worked and earned some money :) This phone has more functions and is better than C902, the phone I wanted to buy last time. This phone is still a new model. Hope it will be a good phone as I don't plan to change phone again anytime sooner. Plan to use this phone for a few years if I can. :D
This week didn't manage to see my babe. Feel so sorry to her and sad for myself. I miss you so much everyday. Hope next week can see you and hangout with you. Accompany you more often before I start my college. Babe, please don't always moody k? I can feel that you are moody though you always said you're fine and nothing. I don't want to argue or fight with you. I just want to be happy with you and love you. I love you, my babe. -kiss kiss-
Okay, now it's time for me to go into my dreamland. It's 2.30 in the morning already and I have to work later in the morning.
Auf wiedersehen. Gut nacht ;)
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