Today was a bad day. Nt yet a disaster day. Yesterday I slept at 2.30am and I guessed I didn't have enough sleep though I slept till 10.30am. Went to college for classes till 3pm then went to Padang with my gang. I didn't eat much or should I say I didn't even buy any food. All I ordered was a cup of coconut drink as I don't feel well today.
Came back home, did the laundry, thinking of should I go to the celebration. At last I didn't go. You went. I don't know what happened to me. Maybe we're getting more like strangers, getting further. It's like I don't know who you are anymore and you don't know me. Everything is coming to an end. These two days didn't see you, I don't know how to describe my feeling. I was happy at first as finally I can have some time for myself, finally I can rest at home and finally I can be alone. Today it felt the same. Just I feel something's strange. Feeling weird to spend my afternoon at home. Feeling weird of doing what I used to do last time. Everything just doesn't seemed right. I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm used to spending my days with you.
I had been struggling with myself for the past few weeks. I keep thinking, what's best for both of us. What's best for you, best for me. I admit, I don't love you like I did before. I don't trust you like I used to. And I know you couldn't have loved me better since that incident. I tried to convince myself, tried to pull it back... I'm tired and I'm fed up. Today I had been cold to you, I wanted to just ignore you, yet I can't do it. Maybe you don't know me well, maybe you don't understand me yet, or maybe you've been taking me for granted, for whatever reasons that are, I'm fed up. I'm annoyed by my own attitudes. I hate myself. I hate everything. Sometimes, I hate you for being so childish and so mean. I bet you don't know the way you reply me, I hate it. When I saw how you reply others and it was so different, it's wordless to describe how i feel. What have I done? Does anyone really love me and try to understands me besides my parents?
I feel sorry towards myself, towards you, and most importantly, towards my parents. This whole year had been a busy year till I did not really spend time with my parents. I feel sorry to them. I should love them more than any others as they love me more than they love themselves. No matter who's your partner, parents should always come first.
Why I will have thought like this? I bet most of you watch 2012. You could see that the parents put their children first in everything. They are even willing to die as long as their children are safe. Come to think of it, my parents have spent half century on earth already, how long more I could talk to them, spend time with them, hang out with them, tease them, look at them, etc..? IF 2012 the day is true, maybe we will be the lucky survivors, maybe not... So try not to waste your time anymore. There's no more time.
3 comments:
hey Hog ...
after i read your post (which i should used the time to write my report)... i noticed that you are not jus fed up. but you felt out of place! to feel something when it comes to relationship is something common. but never ever hate yourself for something of what you feel. For example, Jealousy is something really bad, but everyone feels it too. doesn't mean tat we should hate ourselves for feeling jealous. Yes now you are feeling these because a conflict or a gap was created between the two of you. these gaps and conflict can pull two person together more or separate them. the choice doesn't lie on wat ppl say. the two of you make the decision. if the two of you still wants to be together, then find a solution to the gap. but if ya cant trust her or love her, and she doesn't love you anymore. let it go ... no matter how bad it is ... as her :"is this wat you want ? is this wat you see between us ? do you true hav the feelings for me ? " "if you dont let me go, and moved on " ... stay true to yourself ... and to her ... dont lie to yourself... dont hold onto something that once was yours ... these will drag you to pain and misery ... i say these now ... is because i want you to be a better person and make the right choice. i may not know you too well or anything like your parents do. but i do CARE for you .. ok ? if you need to talk msg me or FB me. i'll call you !!! my ears are always open for you .
Love Ya Bitch
haha!! thank you so much bitch! the longest comment i ever get! xD.. me now and her are doing fine.. still the same bt less argue i guess.. haha.. will update you soon .. love you bitch! =)
yaya ... you always says tat ... but never give me up to date one ... ==
Post a Comment