lies.. fakes..

today i had a weird feeling
while at school i was so happy. playing with them.. talking here laughing there
but dont know why after school dismissed, while driving.. thought of stupid questions
i think back of someone again..think that what if someday tht someone finds me back? what shall i do? but i gave myself an answer : that someone is not going to find you back anymore. it's over..
i cant really get over it though outside i may seem like it.
while driving back from school, i was so moody. dont wanna talk at all
after reached home, only me alone. dad went out.
i looked at myself in the mirror, i dont know who am i anymore
what am i? i feel like i'm a faker. i feel that everything that had happened was not happening in my life. it all became memories.. i feel like crying. i wanna spill out everything but i cant. i dont know what to say to release my feelings.. i kept on telling my friends that i wanna flirt. thinking of it, i know i cant. people kept on telling me that i can find a better one.. but my problem is i cant find the one i have feel with. why i cant move on my life?
i really hate my life
i wish i could control the time. control everything that's gonna happen.
it's been a month.. i told myself that i would not believe in you again.. you gave me fake hopes, fake happiness, fake laughters.. you filled my life with lies.. i really wish i can stop thinking of you. but i cant. i still wish to hear from you.. if we have one more chance, i might will choose to be lied again.. choose to let my life be filled with lies again..

for now, i know i'm stupid.