What's this feeling? Why I have the urge to message you but at last I let my cowardness take over me. I dare not message you at all. I dare not even set my food into your life anymore. I want to tell you that I want to hug you badly, to kiss you madly, to hold you tightly but I just couldn't do it. Thinking of you and him, my mind just goes off imagining. I can't control myself. I feel like rushing there to find you and I don't care even if you push me away. All I want is to have you again but many reasons many people hold me back. I wish I was not me. I wish I'm a player. I wish I'm not a weakling. I wish I'm a winner in the game of love and not always the loser.
Why everytime when I gave my all, betrayed my policies, all I get is break ups, hurts, tears, madness, moody, etc.. Why I want to be so stubborn and continue to be with you when I don't love you at all? Why I want to find back the feelings when I should know the ending I'll get? Why is that so?
Is it really because I'm too good to be loved? Is it because I'm too boring as time goes by? Is it because I didn't give you all that you want? Why I didn't let go of you when my feelings to you were least and your feelings to me were most? If I did leave you, I won't be this sad. I won't be this crazy, I won't be thinking of you and him. There are just too many things that I will be if I left you. However, I didn't. I stayed with you. Am I really too kind or too silly to let myself hurt rather than letting you hurt? Why I must hurt myself this way? It's been 3 times I got this. Everytime the same thing happens. Everytime before it started, I already knew the ending. Am I really destined to stay single? I guess I really shouldn't look forward to having a long-term relastionship anymore. Every time I hope it will last, every time I get kicked out of the relationship. I don't know whether I should say this is what I deserve as I don't listen to my friends' advices and be silly over and over again or I'm just a weirdo that loves the feeling of getting hurt over and over again.
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